It's been far too many moons since last this blog updated, but worry not ye faithful readers, for today I return triumphant with an entry so dripping with arsomness that if I were a green skinned alien with a liking for polystyrene cups I'd be issuing dire warnings about upgrading thrill buffers right now.
(That introduction will mean nothing to a large proportion of you. Haha, I don't even care, look it up. You'll thank me later)
So a few weeks back, my delinquent brother Jake, contacted me on the twitters
to ask about this here blog, which he has lately been reading. He
wanted to know whether I might possibly be, as he put it, 'exaggerating
for comic effect.' Or, in other words, HE CALLED ME A LIAR!
Now, in my younger days; back when I was a classically trained bare
knuckle fighter, before I gave it up for Lent one year and never went
back; I would have handled the situation like a manly man. By going
round his house and pummeling him into the ground with my mighty thews.
These days I'm more of a Ruffalo than a Norton though,* so I decided
that the best thing to do in the circumstances was just to laugh it off
and move on with my life.
Besides, he was right.
I do, on occasion, use humour, or the closest approximation I can
manage, to try to lighten the mood slightly amongst all the cheery talk
of domestic violence and crippling psychological issues, and reduce the
soul sucking depresiveness (is that a word? yeah, bound to be) of most
of my posts. I'll be honest, I had a bit of a re-read through some of
my early posts; back when I thought I could write and I was all serious
and shit; and some of that stuff is seriously painful to read. I've no
idea why anyone kept reading beyond one or two, and I sincerely doubt I
could have kept writing them. Probably would have killed myself by now.
Making 'jokes' at the expense of the bad stuff is one thing though.
Making stuff up is another, and that's something I don't do. Ever. If I
say something happened, it happened. My brother, in his question,
mentioned one specific post and I was a bit confused because while I
couldn't really remember exactly what I'd written (it was an old one) I
could remember the incident it
referred to and I knew I wouldn't have been able to make it funny if
I'd tried. So I had a read back; it was this that prompted my
aforementioned re-read of the older posts; and yep, just as I thought,
everything in there was true.
So to my Brother who found it hard to believe I can only say this; YOU DON'T KNOW MAN! YOU WEREN'T THERE!
It did pose an interesting point though; interesting being a relative
term, shut up; and that was to do with my Mother. She doesn't come off
well in that post, and rightly so, but I can kind of see why he might
have trouble believing what I wrote about her because the woman I wrote
about there is not the Mother he knows. She has changed, a lot, and
it's only now that he has prompted me to stop and think about it that I
see just how much. Don't get me wrong, I still don't think she's a
particularly good parent, or a particularly nice person for that
matter, but her flaws are different now. He'd probably not recognise
As this blog continues, if he continues reading it (and I kind of hope
he doesn't cos once his Dad comes on the scene, and then him, he might
not like what he reads; aint gonna censor cos you're reading mate)
he'll see those changes happening on the page. But until then, all I
can say is, STOP CALLING ME A LIAR YOU OIK!
*Gratuitous Avengers reference there. Just because.